Brian: This is how the movie goes. The zombie apocalypse hits, and worse, they are zombie ninjas. And circumstances force the six of us to fight together. As we flee a hoard of zombies, my sister dies first, which is sad, but someone had to go. She has a husband and three young kids, so of course she was the emotional choice as far as the movie is concerned. We escape the first wave when you inexplicably happen to wrangle up a huge semi truck full of clothes and food. On the road, we lose my cousin who died when she deliriously ran to her zombie-turned husband and was eaten by him. Along the road we fight well, the four of us that are left over, you, me, my brother, and Kristi, are efficient zombie ninja killers. You particularly seem to be an able group member who has saved us on multiple occasions. But no matter how far we escape, the zombies somehow always manage to find us. We’re convinced there is a traitor among us. You get me alone, and confess you saw my brother talking to the zombies. They kidnapped his wife and are holding him hostage in exchange for his cooperation and betrayal. I almost believe you and send him off to be eaten, but remember the anti-zombie pact we made together years before for just such an occasion and then I catch you in a scheme, but a little late, because we've been ambushed. We fight off the zombies, but you escape to come back later in the grand final battle. My brother was mortally wounded in the battle, and I weep openly as I have to chop off his head so he won't turn into a zombie.
Then, with vengeance over my slain brother fresh in my heart, we lock and load and go after Whitney, Queen of the ninja zombies.
me: However, this movie ends in an existential fashion. When the action-seeking fans leave the theater, rolling supertitles hit the screen: TWO HOURS LATER. We find Brian and Whitney sitting in a cafe, Brian eating scones, Whitney eating Brian's brother's calf which is the tastiest part of the human body. They discuss politics, art, literature. Finally, Brian sees the problem to this Zombie madness is world hunger, as Zombies originated from Kenya and migrated to the US when food sources were scarce.
He recommends Whitney and her drones join a habitat for zombies in Portland, as every solution can be found in Portland, and she and her minions catch a van and hitch hike to Portland, ultimately killing the driver as a traveling snack, which is perfectly harmless because the driver is an escaped serial killer. Whitney and her dead, people-eating friends live blissfully in Portland, feeding off ex-cons and rapists, and making the world a better place.
Brian: The sequel...
Peace was achieved, but relations between the humans and the zombie ninjas is becoming strained. The zombie ninjas are growing, and although they have kept their bargain and only eat the dregs of society and the occasional reality TV loser, humans are growing scared and intolerant. Minor scuffles are happening at the borders, Brian and Whitney, who have become good friends, find their trust and friendship strained by the bubbling politics and widespread discrimination.
Then suddenly, fighting begins again, and too old enemies turned friends must fight against each other once again.
me: Luckily, Whitney's daughter, Aurelia, now fully grown, is half-human half-zombie, and is researching medicine to cure the genetic zombie defect. In the process of coming up with a cure, however, Aurelia gets stuck in the Congo for most of the movie fighting zombie animals, and doesn't show up until the carnage has subsided and few members of either side remain. She announces that she has found a cure for zombieism and holds up the vial, triumphantly. When a zombieist human fanatic takes the vial, throws it on the ground, and stabs Aurelia, calling her a Zimbo-lover (which, as we all know, is the derogatory term for zombies).
Aurelia falls to the earth as Brian and Whitney watch in shock. Aurelia's hands open on her sides, revealing a single daisy, which is the symbol of peace in the prime days of Zombie-Human relations. Brian takes the flower and crushes it in his hand, only to find a fluid leaking out that smells like Ginger Ale. Whitney takes the flower and drinks of its nectar, finding her skin changing hues from sickly gray to a healthy pink. She resumes her human form and returns to Aurelia's lab where she reproduces the nectar for her few remaining zombie friends. Everyone turns back into humans. It is only right before the credits roll that you discover the ex-zombies still crave human blood. The blood that flows in their newly resurrected bodies...
Brian: this is getting epic
part 3, the final chapter of the trilogy...
Brian: Peace appears to have been achieved in the Newmerica, the new nation formed after the destruction of all north american nations and governments. Zombies have become a thing of historic documentaries and "I remember where I was when I heard the president was eaten by a zombie..."
But strangely, even though there is no sign of zombies, fresh corpses keep showing up with wounds similar to a zombie attack. Brian, now head of the Newmerica Intelligence Association, investigates the strange crimes, and tracks the heaviest activity to an abandoned warehouse downtown. All seems quiet, until they are attacked by a huge group of what appear to be humans but act like zombies. They take heavy casualties but win the fight, but Brian was bit in the battle and has started to feel strangely… very strangely…
In the meantime, Whitney, is the front runner to become newest president of Newmerica, but finds no matter how hard she tries, she can't stave off her cravings for human brains, even though indulging would not only ruin her political career, but also likely cost her the love of her new fiance, Bobby Zane.
Who, even though she loves him very much, constantly struggles between wanting to kiss him, and wanting to crack his skull open and eat his sweet, mushy brains.
me: After the world hears of Zombie Repellant Patenter Bobby Zane's proposal to Whitney, they are set in a frenzy of gossip and paparazzis. Afraid of slipping back into her old habits, Whitney calls Brian one night to tell him of her worst fears being realized. He is sympathetic but unsure what course of action to take. Little do they know that a paparazzi is hidden under the balcony of her apartment, recording her phone conversation.
The next morning, newsstands are splashed with the phone conversation, both speculating Whitney's unfaithfulness to Bobby as well as her Zombie nature. Bobby Zane, while a perfectly understanding man with one tight butt, cannot cope with the newly discovered information regarding his fiance. He postpones their engagement and tells her he needs some time to "think things through." Meanwhile, people begin to grow uneasy, riots break out in the streets. Stores are being looted, as the headlines declare we are on the brink of "HUMAN-ZOMBIE WWII"
Brian enters Whitney's office to find her gnawing on her own arm. He grabs her by the shoulders, tries to shake some sense into her, and finds his nose tingling at the sensation of her blood. Brian tries to ignore it, but as Whitney cries and tells him of her broken life, Brian feels his fingers twitching, his mouth watering, and finally launches at Whitney with teeth bared, ready to kill.
Brian: I have a meeting...to be continued…
Brian: intermission over...
Brian: brian, overcome with this new, intense craving, attacks whitney, and a fight of epic proportions begin. The shocked whitney blocking the blows of the ravenous brian, leaving the office in a mess. Finally, Whit knocks the leaping Brian out of the window and he falls to his death...but whitney looks out the window to see where his body lies, and sees he has vanished. Meanwhile, Bobby Zane, humiliated by his fiances' perceived betrayal and sickened that she is in fact a "dirty Zombo", has hit the laboratory and turned his zombie repellent into zombie poison, a new deadly super weapon meant not to cure, but to wipe out zombie-kind forever.
While this goes on, the nation further delves into chaos. Since there is no visual way to tell zombies from humans, everyone is suspected of being a zombie. McCarthy era trials are happening all over the country to people on all levels of society in order to find and ostracize all zombies and their families. Chaos rains as the country tears itself apart, where humans and zombies alike caught in the crossfires. Whitney works to help her country restore order, when in the midst, Brian returns with a horror the likes of which no one has ever seen before: he has turned his intelligence agents into zombies, thus making an army of zombie ninja spies! They begin to decimate the population as Whitney scrambles to gather her own defenses, it appears that it is too late, while one day her ex-fiance Bobby Zane bursts into her bunker and gives her a newly made zombie poison super bomb. Simply drop it in the middle of Newmerica, and all zombies will die instantly in the blast. High profile zombies will be protected in the bunkers. Still... Whitney faces a serious moral dilemma. But is there any other way...?
Leading the world's first zombie and human army, she makes her decision.
me: Sending the newly crazed Bobby Zane into an asylum, Whitney hides the Zombie poison in her presidential safe. She calls on a few of her former zombie-friends, who are now living in exile out in Namibia, and asks them to round up all of the zombies they know. She plans a world peace conference among Zombies as they meet in DC to discuss their next course of action. Upon gathering the peaceful zombies together, Whitney opens the conference with an oscar-winning speech addressing her own shortcomings, identifying herself as "only human." She wipes a tear away, and boldly proclaims that zombies and humans can coincide. Zombies everywhere throughout the conference room are touched, resolving to ignore their thirst for blood and to make the world a better place. The conference is then interrupted by
Brian and his rogue, blood-thirsty zombies. Brian's appearance has changed dramatically. He now has reverted to the dull gray of pre-humanized zombies and his eyes have faded to a thick gray. He laughs maniacally, holding back his army of fresh zombies, as he mocks the idea of peace between the humans and zombies. He announces that any zombies who stand in their way of total annihilation are part of the enemy, and that he will start his quest for world domination by killing all the zombies at this conference against his cause.
A bloody battle ensues. Women, children, and racial minorities are slaughtered and eaten. Brian leaves the carnage to look for Whitney, who has altered Bobby's poison to become airborne and stored in her pocket in case of an emergency. He finally finds her in the vent shaft of the conference center, attempting to wipe out the zombie population altogether, thus ending zombie existence as we know it. They struggle, fighting and smashing into electrical boxes and spilling each other's blood on the metal grated floors. Brian slashes Whitney's arm, opening an artery that causes her to bleed profusely. Suddenly, Brian's eyes brighten, and he sees in Whitney's hand a crushed daisy. He asks where she got it from and Whitney replies that it belonged to Brian's daughter, Aurelia, who sought to make the world a better place. She hands it to him and weakly tells him to remember, finally closing her eyes and passing away. Brian is torn, feeling the primal urge to drink Whitney's free-flowing blood while ultimately wanting to end this battle once and for all. He takes the manufactured poison from her hand and throws it in the vent shaft, emitting fumes to throughout the entire conference center. Brian falls to his knees, slowly suffocating in the gas.
Brian: Brian, unaware that Aurelia was actually his daughter, and unaware that Whitney, the woman he had just killed, was also the woman who bore his child, remembering her sacrifice, sacrificed himself to save humanity, just as Aurelia did. A dark cloud emanates from the conference hall in DC where the meeting was taking place. It envelopes the city, reacting with the atmosphere, and spreads throughout the country. The world plunges into darkeness. The fighting stops as people everywhere begin to drop dead from the superweapon.
When the dust settles, the country of Newmerica stands still. There have been many causalities all over the country, but the carnage has stopped. Kristi, a non-zombie and the only other character to survive the original zombie carnage of the first episode but has strangely gone unmentioned throughout the rest of the series, leads the rebuilding as Brian’s right hand spy solider and the only one NOT to join his zombie rampage. In counting the casualties, it was discovered that, even though the bomb was meant to destroy all zombies, many zombies were left alive, and even many non-zombies were killed.
Curious… months of scientific study of the cadavers revealed that the super weapon gas, that was meant to react with the zombie chemicals in the blood, reacted instead with a different but very similar chemical produced by both zombies and humans: the chemical of hate.
Thus, all people, zombie or human, with an excessive amount of hate in their hearts were killed, while those without the hate chemical were spared. Kristi leads the people in the rebuilding, zombies and humans working together to make a better world. She becomes president, with a zombie as vice, and shares the new biological technology with other nations, which helps them eradicate hate and achieve peace in their own lands. Brian, Whitney, and Aurelia have shrines built in their honor. Thus, Newmerica, and the world, enter a new age of peace, where it’s not zombie blood that makes you a monster. It’s hate.