Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Yes yes, I'm back in Portland. (:
I can't tell you how wonderful it's been to take a load off and really rest for a few days in the tree-filled cultural hub of the Northwest. After nonstop work and classes since last September, I was feeling a little burnt out. Coming home has been wonderful and a little confusing as well.
I've been in a groove, to say the least. I've known my place and known what I can contribute to my own little world of Provo, Utah with the friends I play with, the campus I interact with, and the ideals I flirt with. (Ideals can also be replaced with "boys" (: ) Here, however, I've realized just how small my world has been. And yet, we all lead somewhat small lives wherever we are, don't we? We have our jobs, our friends, our family, our wards/clubs/schools/knitting groups and we rarely step outside that circle.
Stepping outside of my circle these past few days--even if it's just back into the circle I came from--has opened my eyes to how much I'm looking forward to the future. It's been just the parentals and myself here in this big house with lots of memories and I've come to recognize just who I want to be when I take their places as a half-centurion parent, grandparent, and spouse.
* I want to maintain a certain quirkiness that keeps people on their toes while maintaining the dignity and authority that every parent should have.
* I want to have a collection of my talents stored in one place that I can access frequently, sharpen, improve, and use to keep me grounded as a progressing individual.
* I want to feel the deepest love and charity I've ever felt so far in my twenty-one years as a regular occurrence when I take in all I've learned and shared in the family and humanity around me.
* I want to have experienced enough in my life to offer profound advice and valuable aid to those around me both through empathy and through problem-solving skills I've developed in my life up to that point.
* I want to get away with saying words like, "bunkfest," "craptastic," and "anywho."
* I want to know another person as well as I know myself.
* I want to have traveled the world and experienced all ranges of cultures, or at least conduct myself like someone who has.
* I want to pleasantly surprise people on a consistent basis by my actions when compared to my age.
* I want to dance frequently.
* I want to laugh habitually.
* I want to be grateful always.
And at this point, I think I might just be on my way. (:
Love to all. I hope your Augusts are going as well as Augusts are meant to go.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I'm not exactly sure what to write in this post. Normally I wait until something inspiring hits me in the face and then I expel my thoughts onto the keyboard, which transfers it to the screen, which transfers it out into the cyber world where you and I eventually brush fingertips and sensational ideas.
This post is merely in the interest of keeping an updated blog.
I did have a wicked awesome dream, though:
I don’t remember if it was a theme park like Disnelyand or if it was a kooky organization sponsored event geared toward cult propaganda and like-minded conversion, because it started out as the latter and concluded as the former. But Matt, Gregory, Natalie and I were at this park and for some reason I didn’t want to buy a ticket to be able to ride on the rides or see the shows, so we spent much of our time dodging ticket sellers and even swimming through ponds to get to the other side of the park so that we could get into places for free. I think I had some moral dilemma about paying this organization for any entertainment and mostly I wanted to sabotage their event.
Then, while we were waiting in line for a ride that seemed like Splash Mountain, we were wondering how we were going to get around the ticket taker. We got to the front of the line and saw there was no way around her, so we went back into the line and looked around for alternate escape routes. But everything had chicken wire or barbed wire or chain links surrounding it. We would have to try to climb the fence inconspicuously without getting caught. Well, on the other side of the little garden courtyard that divided this Splash Mountain line into two queues, there was a tree. So Nat, Gregory, Matt and I went up to the bridge at the top of the line to get to the tree on the other side. I think I signed something to Matt about how we could use the tree in our escape route. But then, a bunch of hooded figures came out onto the grass in the garden between the lines. They were creepy, medieval looking folks with bows and arrows, while the authority figure carried a crossbow. They started talking to everyone in the lines about how sign language was an evil mechanism and that it was only meant for people with no soul. They said they could feel someone in their presence using sign language, that was when they zeroed in on us. This authority figure said he was going to kill all four of us so that we’d learn our lesson.
All four of us had congregated around the tree at this point, so Matt and Gregory hid behind separate trunks of the tree (it had a split trunk), Nat hid behind Gregory and I hid behind Matt. We were all so scared. I don’t know why everybody else in line was doing nothing but we sat there for a second, awaiting a terrible doom. It was here that I started praying saying, “Father, please watch over us.” Immediately, a distinct character came to my mind: Samuel the Lamanite.
Whoosh! What a rush, eh? I felt so inspired and encouraged and strong and relieved. I knew we would be okay. I said to the others, “Guys, I know for a fact that their arrows will not hit us.” And they all took courage and we braced for the worst.
All at once, arrows came flying towards us, whizzed by our tucked in arms and faces. I felt my hair get whipped back as arrows swept past my head. This went on for a long, long time, yet it was exhilarating, and almost in slow motion, like a moment from an action movie only with arrows instead of bullets and a creepy cult instead of covert assassins.
Then it was done. None of us had even been grazed.
(Perhaps I'm a softy for the philosophical, nay, theologically pregnant blog posts. And yet it's the only thing I can bring myself to write with any purpose in this sort of situation. I am not writing for myself, I am writing for you. What is the most important information I can give you? Generally it is pertaining to the divine, unless I'm feeling particularly egocentric).
What a wonderful dream, eh? I don't believe I've ever had revelation in a dream, and yet I took it so clearly and used it so boldly that I cannot ignore the instance. Right now I find myself barely keeping my proverbial head above the metaphoric water. I'm not sure where I'm going, why things happen, or what's to become of me. But I do know that all too often I lose sight of the most important truth to keep me grounded in the hubbub of life: God will keep our ultimate happiness His first priority. We cannot fail when we turn to him.
When we lose our lives for the Lord's sake, we find it. We find it.
Oh what a test of patience it can be to step back from our many worries and remember that this is life eternal: that we might know God and Jesus Christ. When we do that, our lives become more productive, more meaningful, richer, and happier.
So I say--while I'm stressing over my grades, my finances, my dating life, my future--I think I'm going to take the night off from my worries, say a hearty prayer, and go to bed.